Friday the 13th (2009) Horror Review

Title: Friday the 13^th (2009)

Director: Marcus Nispel
Writer: Damian Shannon, Mark Swift
Release Date: Feb. 13^th, 2009
Cast: Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Aaron Yoo, Amanda Righetti, Travis Can Winkle, Derek Mears

Cliff’s Notes:

After Jason slaughters a crew of kinda annoying young adults, and kidnaps one of them (wtf?), the brother of one of the victims decided to find out what’s going on in Crystal Lake. While investigating, he stumbles upon a house party full of even more obnoxious jerks. Ch-ch-ch Ah-ah-ah follows.

Lecture:

My struggles with horror remakes are well documented, check out part of it here, so I walked into this puppy just dripping with apprehensiveness. After the solid Freddy vs. Jason, the series was primed for a quality, stand-alone entry. Unfortunately, we get a flick that is one part F13th and one part sub-standard slasher.

But before we get this that, I’ve got a major complaint. How is this a remake of Friday the 13^th? We don’t have Mrs. Voorhees machete-ing camp counselors (The Original); we have Jason ruining house parties (Part IV). Let’s call this puppy what it is: a sequel. Come on!

As for the flick itself, it’s all kinds of uneven. This puppy takes forever to get started, the title card is over twenty minutes into the flick, and the result is that none of the characters are developed in the slightest. Everyone seems defined by a single trait, the brother, the jerk, the hot chick, and everything else is done by the actors. This mean there is literally no suspense as to the fates of these characters.

What’s more, this means that the major twist in act three is pretty much meaningless. Killing characters that barely have names isn’t impressive. Plus, the core story – a brother looking for his missing sister – seems secondary to the action of the film. When you only spend twenty minutes on plot a, the rest of the flick is going to suffer. It also means that the audience feels cheated out of the first twenty minutes of the flick. None of the characters introduce are important and only one affects the story in the slightest.

That’s not saying that everything is awful. There are a slew of groovy kills that, with characters this obnoxious, create a fun factor that is reminiscent of the best of the Friday the 13^th flicks. Likewise, the cast is solid and carry the script when it starts to let them down. The flick is also, by far, the best looking of the series. The colors are great and the use of shadow is really strong.

Acting:

Padalecki is, by far, the most engaging of the cast. He gives a solid display of worried and handles his running well. Panabaker and Righetti are also solid. They both do slasher victim well. If there was an Oscar for playing a dick, Travis Van Winkle would win. I hated that guy! By far the strongest of the cast is Yoo, who gives his stoner bro levels that are usually missing from this kind of character. Mears is a solid, though not incredibly memorable, Jason. He’s certainly more physical than some of the others, which is a nice change.

Directing:

Nispel second horror remake is less effective than his first. He’s got a slow of nice shots and fun bits, and has all of his production crew kicking butt, but there are too many issues with the flick to really overcome. His pacing is all over the place – let’s be honest, the script doesn’t help – and his reliance on groovy shots doesn’t create tension. Brother should have asked for a re-write.

Script:

Shannon and Swift aren’t as solid as they were in FVJ. The issues they had with character are still present – no one is developed beyond an inch and the actors are responsible for most of that – but their command of structure is lackluster at best. We’re jumping all over the place, spending too long with folks who don’t matter before trying to shoehorn in the rest of the story.

Effects:

The crew in this house are worth their paychecks and more! Beyond the stabbings and slashings, we get arrows in the head, death by boats, people cooking, and all kinds of poking. That plus the quality look of the flick really gives an air of F13th-iness. Horary!

Highlights:

Jason vs. jerks on a speed boat. For the win!

Lowlights:

The title card is in the wrong place. How do you do that! What, you were twenty minutes into the flick and realized that you hadn’t had one yet? By that point in time, we all know what movie we’re in. Half of the cast is dead! Come on!

Friday the 13^th-iness :

Eh, kinda. This reads more like a re-imagining of Jason. Sure, he’s here, with the mask, killing the kids. But there’s too much of this that strays from what the franchise is. Jason takes prisoners? Really?

Final Thoughts:

Sure, it’s not the worst of the horror remakes, but this puppy really doesn’t stand up. Everyone in here, from the directors to the writers to the actors, have done better work in better flicks. It seems more like a desperate to keep the name in play through the remake era. Ho-hum.

Grade: C