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Friday the 13th: An updated sequel.

Friday the 13th: An updated sequel
1/2/2015

Written by: James Gariby.


 

Let me start by saying that I really enjoy this franchise. It has its bad installments, but overall it has been fun ride for the past 35 years. The original is still the best! It was very creepy, and still hard for me to watch late at night. Through the years, Jason has been hacked up, brought back to life, gained supernatural strength, and even been taken to outer space. Fucking cheesy for sure, but the way he killed was the only saving grace of Jason X.

Jason X was only made to keep the franchise alive until this “remake,” if you want to call it a remake, came out. Upon hearing the news of a remake, all of us fans were filled with excitement. An update of a classic original? Hell yea!! But it turned out be a HELL NO!

It starts off pretty cool. It shows Mrs. Voorhees going after a counselor and she is decapitated. That is all we get from the original. She was creepy, but it fucking sucks that that’s all we get. We flash forward to the present time with some people looking for an abandon crop of weed. So they set up a campsite, which is just outside of Camp Crystal Lake, or as we old-school fans know it, Camp Blood. The actual filming location is the Boy Scouts of America Camp NoBeBoSco. [Note: There is strictly no visits to the campground without permission.]

Camp NoBeBoSco

As they sit around the fire, one guy tells the old legend, “Mother was decapitated with a machete. Jason was there and watched it happen…” The way he tells it just sucks. He’s just all happy-go-lucky about it.  If I had come up on an abandoned camp with a scary legend, I would tell that story slow, and in a creepy voice. He wasn’t even trying. Great fucking acting (extreme sarcasm). After the story, a couple goes into the camp to look around, and back at the campsite, the other couple is in the tent getting busy. We know what happens next, because in horror movies, people who have sex die. The way Jason kills this first batch is pretty cool. It’s more brutal than we have seen in the past. As Jason goes for the last girl, the title pops up, then it kind of goes downhill from there.

It has now been 6 weeks, and we meet Clay (Jared Padalecki), and the final batch of college kids at a gas station. Now we know that in every horror movie there is always one asshole who you can’t wait to die. But this group is just all douchebags and dumb bitches. So, Clay is looking for his sister Whitney (she was the girl who went to explore the camp with her boyfriend) when he meets the next batch. They don’t get along, with good reason, too. After this encounter, Clay continues to go around from house to house asking about Whitney. He comes upon this farmhouse where this is pervert redneck is using a wood chipper; a total foreshadowing of something to come in the near future. Clay leaves, and the redneck lights up a joint and hears something upstairs. As we know in horror movies, if you do drugs, you’re going to die. After this death, Jason finds the iconic symbol that has sent chills down people’s spines for decades, the hockey mask!! Up until now, he’s been wearing the sack. Now Jason is really up on the screen.

As Clay continues his search, he comes to a house where he finds the fuckwads from the gas station.  After another encounter with the main douche, he leaves and the only cool, unannoying girl from the group goes with him to help. While roaming, they come to the camp, and for some reason search every cabin when it is clearly abandoned. As they’re leaving, they see Jason coming in the distance. When they hide, they see he’s carrying a dead body. Completely terrified, they run back to the house. Now Jason can have some fun.

After these deaths, we’re left with Clay, and the cool girl. They go back to the camp again. Looking around again, they find a trap door, which has a tunnel running underneath the camp. That’s how Jason gets places so fast. Down here, they hear screaming in the distance. As they follow the sound they find Whitney. Yes, the girl from the beginning of the movie. Jason kept her alive because she looked like his mother. Are you fucking kidding me! He doesn’t take captives! If he sees you, you’re going to die! That’s the way of it!

As the 3 try to escape, we lose the cool girl, which is sad, but with the changing of times there can only be a max of two survivors. Then, back at the farmhouse from earlier, we have out final battle. And as we know, Jason loses, with a final scare at the very end.

This WAS NOT a remake. It was just Jason doing his thing again. Which is fun and all, but if you want to remake a Classic like Friday the 13th, remake the real movie. Don’t just throw a hockey mask on someone and say, “Hey we got a remake.” Yes, Jason carried the franchise, but it all started with his mother.  Which is what most people fail to remember.

Give his mother more than one frakking minute of screen time. They could have at least meshed the first two movies. And the kids… I thought you’re supposed to like a majority of the cast, not hate them all upon first introduction. It is funny to see the main asshole scream like a little bitch, though. It has its moments to say the least, but not the movie that I wanted, personally. The trailer makes it look a little promising.

Friday The 13th – Official® Trailer [HD]

Another one was supposed to come out this year, but it’s been delayed until next year. It has been said that this is going to be as if the 2009 version never happened. Rumors have also said that it’s going to take place during a snowy season, which I would give a chance. Cold and isolated, sort of sounds like 30 Days of Night. Who knows what we will get, with the changing of directors. There is also a new Friday the 13th game coming out this fall. It actually looks kind of creepy.

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