If they can kill Star Wars, could they kill Valentine’s Day while they’re at it?
FUCK Valentine’s Day.
And while we’re at it, FUCK any other “holiday” that is wholly designed to extract hard earned money from men’s wallets. I’m looking at you Sweetest Day, Boss’ Day, Secretaries’ Day … (Yeah, you’re a secretary, not an Admin Assistant.) And ‘extract’ is too nice of a word. Hell, US Spec OPS get ‘extraction’. Surgeons extract foreign objects from the body. No, these sham marketing holidays are EXTORTION.
Once a year, on February 14th, guys around the world are guilt tripped into spending money on their significant others. Never mind the heaps of affection, gifts, and love we willingly give throughout the year with no expectation of reciprocation. On this day, if you don’t participate in the ‘fake holiday’ (#fakeholiday) you’re a bastard, a scrooge, a terrible boyfriend, etc… And for that we say, “FUCK Valentine’s Day”.
But wait there’s more. Not only does this absurd ritual piss off people in relationships, it angers singles as well. Nothing quite like one special day out of the year that focuses your life of solitude and masturbation like a laser beam. So, if you’re in a relationship Valentine’s Day sucks, and if you’re not… it sucks. Lose-lose situation.
If women get Valentine’s Day, men deserve Blowjob Day. What is blowjob day, you ask? It’s simple, for no other reason, and without doing a God Damn thing to earn it, you get a free round of fellatio. It’s called a double standard, because it’s twice as true.
“Yes, but if you play your cards right on Valentine’s Day, you just might get that”, some may argue.
Bullshit! You’re not going to dangle that carrot in front of me, and I’m not a horse’s ass.
Blowjob Day will be recognized internationally once per year. On this day, men can do whatever the fuck they want, i.e., play GTA with their friends online all day, smoke legal weed, not give a fuck about what so-and-so posted about your GF’s on Facebook. Then at the time of his choosing, he gets to play the BJ card. Swallowing optional. Hey, we’re not living in the stone ages here.
“But I give him BJ’s all the time. Why do I have to do it specifically on blowjob day? And who made up this bogus day anyway?”
Are you starting to see the light?
FUCK Valentine’s Day
For all the triggered, pissed off people who happen to read this post, congratulations… you’re starting to understand how most men feel about Valentine’s Day now. PS: Why are you reading Slickster Magazine anyway? So, if the thought of day set aside for to suck a cock raises your ire, use that empathy to scrutinize Valentine’s Day. It’s an unneeded and scam ‘holiday’. The sooner it dies a quick death into obscurity the better.