Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers review

Title: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
Director: Kind of Joe Chappelle
Writer: I think Daniel Farrandess, but also a bunch of suits and the editor
Release Date: September 29, 1995
Cast: Donald Pleasence, Paul Rudd, Marianne Hagan, Mitchell Ryan, J. C. Brandy

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers Cliff’s Notes

So, I think that Michael and Jamie have been kidnapped by a cult. And then it’s six years later and Jamie escapes with her baby in tow(!), so they send Michael after her to bring her back. Or kill her, that really wasn’t clear. And then Tommy Doyle, the kid Laurie was babysitting in the first one, ends up with her baby and enlists good old Dr. Loomis to help him. And then there’s some other family members and… the whole thing is a mess.

Lecture

So, this is pretty much terrible. I know, I said Resurrection was worse, but that’s only cause this puppy gets a little credit for the Producer’s Cut. What’s that you might ask? Well, basically the suits at Dimension were worried about the flick, so they went back as re-edited, re-shot, and re-destroyed the franchise.

The Theatrical Cut is almost intelligently bad. There’s no continuity here and when compared to the other, lesser entries into the main horror franchises, this puppy still falls near the bottom. 

Unfortunately, the story here is pretty much awful. There’s a Druid curse for some terrible reason and also a weird medical lab. Those are connected. I think. And let’s be honest, when you get to the sixth film in a franchise, the audience isn’t expecting Hamlet.

But everyone involved is trying to do the right thing in a different way, which creates a disjointed mess of a flick. There’s nothing here that makes any kind of sense with the rest of the franchise, which makes Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers stand out in all the wrong ways. What little good does appear in the flick, mainly the cast and the effects, are quickly crushed and thrown away by the pervasive terribleness of the rest of the film.

The same can’t be said for Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers and it’s Producer’s Cut. Here, the story makes sense and everyone is given much more to do. Scenes are more developed and the characters are more rounded. There’s even more of good old Dr. Loomis, who is one of my favorite characters in any of the horror franchises. Alas, the plot is still terrible – there are more Druids, come on!- and a number of the technical errors in the Theatrical Cut are still present.

But, at the end of the day, I’m forced to look at the flick that came out in theaters and give my shitty two cents about it. Let’s make this really clear, by reading this review, you’ve given this piece of crap more attention than it deserves. Skip it.

Acting

So, Paul Rudd is the lead, which is just fantastic. He gives a solid, focused show, but his character is weird. Hagan and Ryan both do well and try their bests to lift this muck out of the sewer. I could have used more of J.C. Brandy; the entire character seems thrown to the side in this puppy. Pleasence again gives a charming, engrossing show. He passed away just after filming was completed on the initial shoot. R.I.P.

Directing

So, this one is a little hard to pin down. The theatrical cut is super 90’s, with flashy cuts and a ton of non-Halloween style energy. The producer’s cut shows a more restrained style that’s more in line with Chappelle’s other work and the series as a whole.

Script

Again, it’s hard to determine what was intentional and what was destroyed by literally everyone at the studio. The Theatrical Cut is baffling. The plot is non-existent and the characters are inconsistent. Basically, the entire thing functions like this: “Mumble, Mumble… Druids, Mumble, Myers”. The Producer’s Cut is better. There’s still a bunch of Druid shit, but things are more consistent and the plot makes a ton more sense. It’s still awful, but it exists.

Effects

Mr. Myers is obviously pissed of that his fifth outing is so awful, cause he’s taking it out on everyone he can get his hands on. Impaling, stabbings, head damage. Hooray for gore! It’s the only thing holding this puppy together.

Highlights

The best part of Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers is the awesome face that literally everyone involved has been in better flicks. Literally everyone. Oh, the Producer’s Cut rocks significantly more of awesome Dr. Loomis.

Lowlights

Um… The entire movie? But also, Druids? Come on!

Halloween-iness

Um… Michael is here. So that’s a thing. And Jamie’s in it for a brief second. Basically, there are a ton of plot connections without any actual Halloween feel. Ho-hum.

Final Thoughts  

So, the Producer’s Cut is better than Halloween: Resurrection. The Theatrical Cut is only slightly better than carving your eyes out of your head with a spoon.

Grade: Theatrical Cut: F / Producer’s cut: C