Top 10 Crazy Conspiracy Theories
New York, NY. 6/25/16. It’s no secret I love myself a good a conspiracy! The Moon Landing hoax, Roswell crash? Great conspiracies! With that being said, I only look to these theories for sheer entertainment and don’t actually believe in them. I mean come on, a Flat Earth? Reptilian Shape shifters who puppeteer our planet? When’s the last time you’ve heard of anyone falling off the edge of the world, or even seen a reptilian hominid? Nah, just no way. What with all the camera’s and WorldstarHipHop these days, we’d definitely know if something strange was up by this point in the game. Honestly, there should be a limit to the amount of stupidity we entertain. These five theories definitely go over the line.
1. FLAT EARTH
They call themselves the Flat Earth Society. As idiotic as it may sound, there are still people who believe the Earth to be flat in the 21st Century. I could be wrong, but didn’t humanity debunk this belief centuries ago? The most humorous thing about the Flat Earth Society is that they actually believe their own word over the word of certified Geographers, Astronomers, and Scientists. Why should I believe the weird YouTuber bozo who graduated with a degree in Dickhead Fundamentals – from The University of Wikipedia – over the accredited Scientist who was educated at Harvard? Flat Earthers will tell you that mainstream Science is all jargon, overly sophisticated language made to confuse you into believing it. A Flat Earther might say you assume you don’t understand the physicality’s of the Earth because you haven’t studied enough, but the real reason you don’t understand is because it doesn’t make sense. Hmmmm. Well, while I don’t fully understand the functioning of our Solar system, I must admit they make more sense than Flat Earth basics. For one, when’s the last time a mother fucker has fallen off the face of the planet? For another, how do you explain a Lunar Eclipse where the shadow of the Spherical Earth is clearly reflected upon the surface of the moon? Again, I’m no scientist, but I mean come on, this is like 3rd Grade shit.
2. HITLER IS STILL ALIVE
Well then, happy 127th birthday Adolf! No seriously, if Hitler was still alive he’d be a century and three decades old. Many people have claimed to have seen Hitler since after his death in 1945. The vast majority of sources say he ran off to Argentina. I mean, I could sort of understand falling for this foolery back after WWII just ended – being Hitler’s body was never found – but come on, you mean to tell me the Prince of the Third Reich still walks the Earth after 71 years? Nah nah nah nah. At what point is Hitler just a vampire? Oh wait, let me stop right there. Don’t wanna give these Tinfoils any more ideas.
3. HOLLOW EARTH
Too much Lord of the Rings for these folk. This one’s a little tricky being that everyday civilians don’t have access to the said locations. According to believers, the entrances to the Hollow Earth occur at the North and South Poles. Many cultures have actually believed in a world under our own where devilish creatures lurk. Old Mexican legends depict a cave where demons supposedly venture up from beneath the Earth’s surface. Humans have only ever been 8 miles down into the Earth’s crust. When we really look at the stats, it becomes difficult to say what lies beneath us. While I don’t believe in a hollow Earth, I wouldn’t completely rule out the possibility of life forms existing deep underneath its crust. Furthermore, if there was another world under our own – like they claim – I believe we would have found and inhabited it by now. Then again, if you really need to find a mysterious subterranean culture, just ride any New York City Subway.
4. REPTILIAN SHAPE-SHIFTERS
Huh? Wait. What? This is probably the most absurd theory on the list after Flat Earth. The Reptilian Shape shifter theory actually coincides with the Hollow Earth. According to theorists, these reptile hominids have come from the Alpha Draconis system into the Hollow Earth, where they puppeteer humanity through Shape Shifting and underground networking. The Tinfoils believe these creatures control our entire world, from the media down to the food we eat. As stated by the theorists, many of our World Leaders – such as Barack Obama, George Bush, politicians – are actually reptile hominids with the ability to take human form. The sad thing is, I can almost believe this one. If these lizard men were actually among us, wouldn’t someone have managed to capture one – in its raw state – on their cell phone by now? I mean come on, we do exist in the 21st Century right? Let me know, because sometimes I think I’m the one who’s got the game all fucked up. And aren’t reptiles cold-blooded? How in the actual fuck could a lizard hominid deal with the everyday temperate changes us humans handle, unless of course if they were human. I’ll continue admitting it, I’m no scientist, but I’ll have you know I once cared for a friend’s pet lizards for two weeks and they needed constant heating pads to survive. What happens when a reptilian shape shifter walks into an Air-Conditioner blaring Supermarket on a hot summer’s day? Shock? Death? Who really knows. A Lot of this stuff is really just 3rd Grade shit.
5. FLUORIDATED WATER MIND CONTROL
Everybody wants a nice smile right? Last time I checked, toothless grins weren’t exactly popping. While the Government fluoridates are water to help prevent tooth decay, many people believe the chemicals work to dampen the natural abilities of our mind and induce a sleep like state of consciousness in the American people. Hmmm? I wonder if the Tinfoils realize that not all American drinking water contains fluoride. There are also a ton of people who don’t even drink tap water. I feel like a lot of people latch on to this theory because they’re frustrated at how uninvolved the average American is in political/social affairs. Americans are sheep like by choice. People choose to give media blasphemy more attention than actual concerning matters- like student debt and unaffordable rent. It has nothing to do with the water we drink. Most American’s prefer soda anyway.
6. STARGATE IN IRAQ
What is the war in the Middle East really about? Most people will tell you oil. On the other hand, Tinfoils will attempt to convince you it’s a battle over the control of an ancient Stargate. Yup, that’s right, a Stargate. Essentially, a Stargate is a portal that connects any two points in space-time, it can allow you to traverse anywhere across the universe. The Tinfoils believe that the Ancient Sumerians once built a Stargate on what is now known as Iraq. My question is, what the fuck would a Stargate even be good for in real life? I mean Jupiter’s cool, but is it going there really advantageous? Don’t get me wrong, teleportation is dope, but it doesn’t really seem like much of a game changer. It’s gonna be a 3/10 for me.
7. ALIENS BUILT THE PYRAMIDS
For real? A shitload of people actually believe the Ancient Egyptians too incompetent to build Pyramids. This one actually bothers me personally. The fact that modern Science would rather believe aliens built the Pyramids than give it to the Egyptians is extremely offensive. It appears as if they aim to discredit African ingenuity. It’s just flat out racist in my book. In other words they are saying, “No way these African fuckers built this shit, it had to be aliens! Where is my Nobel Prize?” Just because certain groups of people were still living as nomads while the Ancient Egyptians were aligning Pyramids with celestial constellations doesn’t means aliens had a hand in it. Sure, we don’t fully understand how an ancient society, lacking the advanced construction tools we have now, put together such a massive construct, but that doesn’t allude to aliens intervention. These Ancient civilizations are among the first after all, maybe they were just super smart.
8. THE MOON ISNT REAL
Unthinkable. They took it too far on this one, I almost didn’t even add this to the list because it’s so aggressively blasphemous. Allegedly, the “Holographic Moon” is a cover up for whatever is behind it. What’s behind it? Nobody really knows, there aren’t many theories. Some say it’s a Military base, others claim it is inhabited by aliens. Anyhow, this would mean – in a world plagued by war – all world Governments have worked Together to conceal the “holographic moon”. I wonder if the Tinfoils know there are documents dating back hundreds of years that confirm the moon’s existence. The Moon orbits around the entire planet, Lunar cycles are too intricate, they would be damn near impossible to replicate without any sort of occasional mishap, even with the advanced technology. The likelihood of the Moon’s existence greatly outweighs the likelihood of its non-existence. Come on.
9. OUTER SPACE DOESN’T EXIST
It doesn’t stop does it? There are a shitload of people who believe the Earth is encased underneath an inescapable dome. I mean haven’t we looked deep into the reaches of space with Telescope technology? You can simply look up into the night sky and observe the vastness of Space. According to the Tinfoils, the concept of Space was designed by Freemasons to make us humans feel insignificant in an ever expanding universe. Hmmm. This explanation makes a bit more sense than the rest, but it is still flawed depending on who’s viewing it. One might look up to the cosmos and see the work of God, while another may imagine the Big Bang. It’s very subjective. Besides, man has known the existent of Space before Freemasons were ever thought of, the Egyptian Pyramids are proof of this. Next
10. THE 9/11 PLANES WERE HOLOGRAMS
The theory claims that the explosions were real, but the Planes were just holograms. I mean how could people actually believe this? There are plenty of people who can attest to having family members aboard the downed flight. Some claim explosions continued long after the Planes crashed. While I believe it was gas pipes going off, others suspect a more sinister reasoning. Many Americans believe 9/11 was an inside job, used to justify starting a war with Middle Eastern belligerents. While I’m not completely against this idea, I refuse to believe holograms were used. Just why? It couldn’t be to save lives, as thousands were killed. This one almost didn’t make the list for a reason. There’s absolutely no reason holograms would have been used. Whoever was the behind the atrocious attack obviously wanted to hurt as many people as possible? Moving on.
Moral of the story, don’t go around believing everything you peep on the Internet. A Lot of it is just bogus bullshit made popular by individuals weak-minded enough to believe it. I hate to say it, but some people just don’t deserve the stage. Whilst trying to educate people, conspiracy theorists are only further fortifying ignorance and stupidity. Ultimately, they do the opposite of what they set out to do. Not everything is a conspiracy. Sometimes, the Earth is just a sphere, get me? While I love myself a good conspiracy theory too, I must admit there’s a limit to the stupidity we should entertain. If you can’t prove your theory just keep it to yourself, all this reverse-brainwashing is really getting out of hand. Why don’t you learn life a little, stop smoking those blunts, pick up a 3rd Grade Geometry book, go sail to the end of the World, or even go watch some National Geographic!
