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Thursday, March 28, 2024

‘Underwater’ Review: Creatures from the Cracked Lagoon

*This review does contain spoilers*

Directed by William Eubank (The Signal) and written by Brian Duffield (The Babysitter, Jane Got a Gun) and Adam Cozad (The Legend of Tarzan), Underwater is a film that was negatively affected by Disney’s purchase of 20th Century Fox. Filmed in 2017, Underwater sat on the shelf for nearly three years and features what is likely the last on-screen appearance by T.J. Miller thanks to sexual allegations and his troublesome demeanor.

Underwater tries to give hurried scientific reasoning to a large corporation, Tian Industries, drilling at the bottom of the ocean for valuable resources but the truth of the matter is it’s greed over quality. They’re drilling seven miles into the Mariana Trench and then wonder why things don’t go as planned. You can also try to ignore the similarities between the Coon/Mysterion trilogy from South Park season fourteen where BP drills a hole in the bottom of the ocean and ends up releasing Cthulhu. The entire film is a small group of survivors attempting to find refuge from collapsing equipment, earthquakes, and bizarre creatures that can only be found at the bottom of the ocean.

It’s undeniable that the sci-fi horror has its strengths. The score by Marco Beltrami (Ford v Ferrari, A Quiet Place) and Brandon Roberts (Logan, World War Z) is solid and adds an extra element of tension to an already hectic situation. The film showcases claustrophobia in a terrifying way. I’m a big guy and really small or incredibly tight spaces make me anxious, increase my heart rate, and make me short of breath. Certain scenes in Underwater accomplish this with ease as they crawl through rubble and rummage past the corpses of former friends and colleagues.

Nobody mention The Shape of Water to these guys, alright?

It says a lot about a film like this when you’re rooting for the monsters. The film jumps right to the action with only a moment to pause and watch Kristen Stewart brush her teeth without toothpaste. It’s similar to what 1917 accomplished with its one-take concept while two young men attempt to survive during World War I, but even 1917 had more of a setup than Underwater.

It’s easy to compare Underwater to other underwater based films such as The Abyss (you’re better than any Alien comparisons though), but the film’s use of tight spaces and bad writing is reminiscent of Sanctum while the monsters seem to be inspired by Cloverfield. Underwater is capable of establishing a strong atmosphere, which is a plus. It does for underwater horror what Life did for horror set in space while the drilling aspect of the film has you remembering the best parts of Pacific Rim.

The depths of the ocean, especially down below where light doesn’t reach, is filled with mind-boggling creatures that are bizarre in design. The monstrous creatures of Underwater are like flightless bats with a fleshy smoothness to their overall appearance that reminds you of the vampires from I Am Legend. There’s also a giant monster that is an obvious nod to Cthulhu, which is never a bad thing and an H.P. Lovecraft reference is always appreciated in a horror film.

Kristen. You’re not the real Slim Shady. You can’t even stand up.

The rest of the film is laughably bad. T.J. Miller is unbearable as he tries to be witty and clutches onto a stuffed rabbit the entire film, but his gruesome fate is one of the best moments of the film. The visuals are too dark and too murky to fully comprehend what’s occurring as these characters basically swim around in darkness. Like 1917, Underwater is so quick to rush into its action that you have no  connection with these characters and really have no preference whatsoever over whether they die or not. The dialogue is laughably bad, especially for Kristen Stewart’s character.

Underwater feels like it’s trying to set up a future franchise, but it’s attempting to do it in a really odd way. None of the faces you recognize make it out alive and the only survivors are a couple played by mostly unknown actors. The ending hints at Tian Industries drilling in other parts of the world and unleashing chaos all over the globe, but where’s the money in that if there isn’t a bankable face to guide audiences to the theater?

Underwater is a lot like Godzilla: King of the Monsters in the sense that the human elements of the film are fueled by stupidity and leave you feeling lethargic, but the monster sequences are glorious and you wish there were more of them. Why can’t Hollywood give us monsters fighting each other or causing destruction for a full two hours instead of forcing an illogical human element down our throats the majority of the time instead? It is literally all monster movie fans want and what these types of movies are meant to cater to. Underwater is worth seeing if you’re a die-hard horror fan or a faithful monster movie maniac, but will likely leave the average moviegoer with an aneurysm due to how illogical and poorly written it is.

Underwater is now playing (and bombing) in theaters.

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