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Dinosaurs. Hookers. Ninjas. | You had us at dinosaurs

The VelociPastor (2017) – Trailer

Sooooo…. This showed up in the ol’ Gmail inbox this afternoon….

Adapted from a 2011 viral short of the same name, the film is a feature-length horror comedy and ode to bad b-movies of the 70s, featuring appearances from goth music icon Aurelio Voltaire and world-renowned contemporary artist Jiechang Yang. Because why not. It has a silly dinosaur costume in it, everything’s on the table.The film is about a priest (Gregory James Cohan) who travels to China and is scratched by an ancient artifact, which allows him to turn into a dinosaur. After initially being reticent to use his power, he’s convinced by his hooker friend (Alyssa Kempinski) to use this power for good, and fight the ninja menace that’s begun plaguing the city.

Well, I instantly knew I had a choice.  Leave to go watch Guardians of The Galaxy, VOL. 2, or click the link and watch the trailer.   I chose the trailer.  Believe me, this choice was easier than I expected.  When I go into a trailer like The VelociPastor, I have one question that must be answered immediately;  Is the film self aware and poking fun of itself?  The answer with The VelociPastor is 100% yes.


Slickster Magazine – What attracted you to 70’s B movies? Was there a particular director or studio that you have an affinity for?
Brenden Steere –  Oh man, what isn’t there?  I think at the end of the day my love for them can really be traced down to this: These are not films that whisper – they yell. Coffy is not here to be an intellectual film – it’s here to give you Pam Grier‘s body and capital-A Action. I think I appreciate that honesty, there’s a lack of pretension that I really respect, and I think with this lack of pretension comes the idea that you can do anything. Movies are dream machines, and if you can think it, go do it. No one’s stopping you but you. terms of a particular director/studio, I would have to say the Europeans are the kings of this kind of movie in the 70s. The giallo are happening here, so you’re talking Argento, Fulci, Leone, Lamberto Bava, but you also have the oddities like Jean Rollin, who I really like. Also in Asia with the Shaws and the Japanese pinku/gangster/weird horror films. Obayashi’s Hausu is one of my favorite movies, and I feel like a lot of people laugh at it, but I unironically think it’s chock-fucking-full of terrific filmmaking.

It’s funny though, with this film, I don’t think I was trying specifically to mimic any of these filmmakers, but more recreate the experience of watching these films as a teenager for the first time.

Is going to film school a waste of time and money, or crucial to young filmmakers careers?
I’m an advocate for film school for two reasons. The first is that it allows you a relatively safe environment to experiment and fuck up. You learn more about who you are as a filmmaker in the first two years of film school probably than in any other part of your life, and that’s because you fail a lot. The best way to learn is to just make a lot of garbage and get it out of your system and that’s a hell of a lot easier when your financial well-being is not contingent on a film’s success. You don’t take risks when that’s happening. You’re boring and you don’t try to innovate or excite.
VelociPastor film crew
You make a lot friends at film school. The VelociPastor crew hard at work. #VelociPastor

Secondly, and this seems self-evident but it’s worth mentioning, you also are essentially paying to get to know a lot of like-minded people. Your peers will become your crew, support system, therapists, and collaborators. They are as invaluable as any piece of equipment. I still work with people I met first year of film school. I get jobs from them to this day. So in short: yes I do think it’s worth the money, and I think it’s usually a good idea, but if you can somehow come by these things in other ways? Well, it’s been proven time and again that great filmmakers don’t need film degrees, so take that as you will.


Exactly how much nudity is required to make a successful B movie, horror comedy?  Is female cup size important in casting for these types of roles?  In layman’s terms, does big boobs really matter?
I don’t think nudity is required. It helps sell the film, for sure, but something ‘being sexy’ is way more important than actually seeing boobs, and nudity is not required for sexiness. I also don’t think cup size really matters whatsoever. Some people are more naturally attractive, of course, but almost always, it’s the charisma of the actor or actress that attracts the audience to them. Also, assuming that every audience is attracted to the same person/body type is a mistake. Some people are Emma Stone people, some people are Sofia Vergara people.
Emma Stone vs Sofia Vergara
“Some people are Emma Stone people, some people are Sofia Vergara people”, Brenden Steere 
How can fans best support the film?
The absolute best way would be to spread the trailer around! Liking the film’s page on Facebook and following the Twitter will also keep people up to date on when the film will be playing near them. We love hearing from people, and the more vocal the fanbase is, the wider the possible release will be. So honestly the best thing to do would be “not being quiet”. That would be amazing.

Produced by Brandon Taylor and Jesse Gouldsbury
Executive Producer: Jessica Yue
Production design by Siyu Lin
Gaffer: Kurt Voltmann
Production Sound: Brian Perry
Post Sound: Steve Burgess
Makeup and SFX Makeup: Jennifer Suarez
Original score by Ali Helnwein and Daniel McCormick
Cinematography by Jesse Gouldsbury
Produced, directed, written and edited by Brendan “In Way Over His Head” Steere

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