Everyone knows that heavy metal music has been associated with horror imagery and occult behavior. More over, the musicians and fans of the genre know that’s all bullshit and only used to freak out the squares. From Ozzy’s Suicide Solution trial to the Satanic rambles of Slayer, heavy metal has long been the target of sexually confused adults that believe the boogyman will embed himself in the minds of suburban youth.
However, with that caveat out of the way, one North American powerhouse of metal, recently had a close call with the necro-kind. Canadian thrash metal band, Turbo, one of the hottest and best metal bands coming up in the scene, recently found evidence of the living dead while filming their newest viral music video.
Last year Turbo released their debut album “Fast as Fvck”.
It is a thrash metal rollercoaster of a musical ride that grabs you by the dick and doesn’t let go until bust a riff-inspired ear nut. It’s all metal. No bullshit. No apologies, but without all the glitz and glamour of a Snakeoil Salesman band really trying to sell you on it. According to the Turbo, this is something a bit grittier, a bit more street, a bit rawer, and a bit more real.
We caught up with the thrash masters to hear about their legendary new EP and get the true story about what it was like to come face to face with the walking dead…. AND LIVE TO TELL ABOUT IT!
Slickster: Glad you made it on time. I know it’s hard with all the press conferences on your books these days!
Turbo: Thanks! This is Evan Frizzle, the lead singer answering – excited to have a ball with this one!
Slickster: Awesome video for the “Alive!” Should we stop talking about The NWOBHM? I mean it’s furcking 2022. Metallica hasn’t released a listenable album since, The Black Album. Maybe it’s time we just move on? Thoughts?
Turbo: Well, considering Metallica had nothing to do with the New Wave of British Heavy Metal movement, I figure we should at least talk about it a BIT more ahaha.
Slickster: Ok, I have some hard-hitting journalistic questions regarding your amazing video for the new single “Alive!”.
Turbo: Okay, shoot!
1. I noticed you had a mosh pit in the ball pit. Did the blue balls feel any different from the pink balls?
2. It looks like your drummer’s shoes got really muddy. I’m sorry about that. Not a question, just feeling bad.
Turbo: It’s alright. Muddy shoes are a condition that affects us all!
4. Whose idea was it for the slow motion, freeze frame high five? That guy should get the first crack at the groupies on the bus.
Turbo: It was actually all four of us that came up with the idea! So we’d all get the first crack at groupies if we weren’t all so butt-ugly!Slickster: Ok, serious. Today’s pop music is garbage, am I right? JK. You guys have some ferocious chops. How do you hone your skills to the razor sharp shredding skills?Turbo: Wake up. Make coffee. Pick a lick. Practice it bruuuuutally slow until your mind and fingers turn to mush. Take a nap. Wake up. Practice lick a tiny bit faster. Rinse and repeat until you sound inhuman. Then pick a new lick.Slickster: Is your album self-funded? How did you handle that?Turbo: Our album was entirely self-funded, and the fact that it was also entirely self-made (recording process was all done by us) certainly helped. We just pay for everything out of pocket and completely gamble on ever making it back. Fingers crossed!
Slickster: Oh yeah, in your new single from Fast as FvCK, you sing the lyrics about being “burned alive”. One time I ate a bunch of Waffle House at 2am when I came home from a shitty strip club. I didn’t really want to eat there but I was drunk and spent most of my cash on this stripper named Nebraska. She had a c-section scar and got fucking pissed when I asked her to dance to some FUCKING METAL! She only had Def Leppard on her Cricket phone. And I was like… “Def Leppard ain’t metal babe.” She got her g-string in a bunch and left the stage, probably to give my friend a HJ or something. But it didn’t matter because another stripper, with a smoking hot body, came on stage next and I waded up some bills and threw them at her like a Nolan Ryan fastball.
Anyway, we left the club I was craving some smothered and diced hashbrowns. The local Waffle House was open and they had a jukebox. But the only good song was Journey’s “Wheel in the Sky”, and I got 5 plays for a dollar. So, of course, I played that fucking song FIVE fucking times. This one badass old dude in the corner, was like, “hey bro, why didn’t you play Waylon Jennings”. I was like, “because metal is life geezer!” And he just nodded and said, “Damn that’s cool. I never thought of that.” But we became best friends and he told me had a pet dragon named Falcor or some shit.
So I finished my food and went home on the bus and then when I got home took a huge shit. I thought it was a poop, but it was only gas! I farted so much it filled the entire house, and my loser roommate at the time was like, “hey I’m jerking it to some JAV porn. I can’t even focus with all that smell.” So I lit a match to get rid of the smell… and KABOOM! The entire house exploded from my anus methane leak, which was also the inspiration of Joe’ Stump’s second demo album, “Rapid Anal Explozion”. Luckily, I wasn’t burned alive, because I grabbed the 1993 Playmate College Girls special edition I kept hidden from my wife’s BF and covered my face with it.
Turbo: I feel like I have to be drunker for this… I don’t understand the question here, but I’m glad you’re alright! Shits like that can be scary! Also, Def Leppard rules, I don’t care what anyone says. I might get some heat from certain bandmates for saying that here, but fuck it.
Slickster: But your lyrics “burned alive” reminded me about that time I faced death and survived. It was pretty metal. Anyway, what are these lyrics about?
Turbo: This song is basically a testament to bad decisions, and craving any kind of adrenal rush in life. Considering your last question, I feel like you can probably relate to that emotion. We have our share of strip club stories ourselves, and I had a poop that almost killed me earlier today even!
Slickster: What’s next for Turbo?
Turbo: Well we have a whole new album in the works of being cooked up and broiled called “Ruthless Forever”, which we’re really excited about. We’re hoping for a bunch more touring, a bunch more hijynx, a bunch more debauchery, and a bunch more fun interviews like this one!
Slickster: Anything you’d like to promote?
Turbo: Well aside from the aforementioned music video for “Alive”, we also have a short tour around maritime Canada with our buddies in a band called Deadwolff coming up starting on April 4th in Fredericton, New Brunswick and ending on April 9th back in our hometown of Halifax, Nova Scotia. We’re just too pumped to get back on the road again. Due to COVID, it’s been forever!
Slickster: Thanks for sharing your brutal music. Keep metal alive forever! What is the most important message you’d like to share with the world right now in 2022?
