Maybe soy boys know something after all?

Vegan smoothies for breakfast? What am I, a Portlandia hipster with an insatiable craving for soy milk?, you ask yourself. Before you completely write off animal proteins for the “most important meal of the day“, check this out. With a few simple, readily available ingredients you can make a bomb-ass vegan smoothie without destroying your wallet.

Red Dead Nutrition

Beets, apple juice, flax seeds and water are the only four items you need to make this first vegan smoothie. Start with the beets, and open the can slowly… the sweet red juice is tasty, but it also stains clothes and countertops with equal vengeance. Next, add your apple juice and water to taste. Want less sugar? Adjust your portions of water and juice. Cherry juice is also an acceptable substitute and still keeps your smoothie a nice red color.

The last power food you need for your breakfast smoothie are flax seeds. These are easy to find at most grocery stores. Buy in bulk to save cash. One to two tablespoons of flax seeds in the blender with the other ingredients will be sufficient. Blend it all up in your favorite blender bottle and you’re ready to go.

Pro tip: If you have thin walls and nosy neighbors, then you might want to do the blending the night before to cut down on noise complaints.

Double secret probation PRO TIP: If you have thin walls and a sexy single girl next door, make sure you blend your vegan smoothie as loud as possible so she knows that you care about your body, and only put premium fuel in your tank.

Tropical Thunder In Paradise

Ok Brother! Lets gets huge like the Hulk!

Just as before, this vegan smoothie only uses four ingredients, but has a taste of the islands.  The ingredients are, fresh mango, banana, pineapple juice, and flax seeds.   Combine the ingredients in a blender and mix to taste.  Just like the red vegan smoothie, water can be used to dilute some of the juice if a less-sugary taste is what you are going for.

What is great about the tropical flavored vegan smoothie is the customizable settings.  For example, ripe mangoes are not in stock (or they are a pain in the ass to peel).  You can swap the mango for fresh pineapple and substitute mango juice instead.  If you don’t care a hoot about the color of your smoothie, you could toss a kiwi fruit in.  Don’t overthink this, it’s just a smoothie and you don’t need to be a rocket surgeon to get it right.

PRO TIP: Many canned fruits are loaded with extra high fructose corn syrup for packaging reasons.  If you must used canned fruits for your smoothie, try to look for “no sugar added” or similar markings.  Sorry dude, you’re gonna have to read the labels on this one.

The Terminator

If the Hulk Hogan vegan smoothie isn’t good enough for you, why not try go-to smoothie for Mr. Universe himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Take a look at the video below for the actual directions to make this one-of-a-kind drink from The Terminator himself.  It uses cherry juice, bananas, protein powder, and one very special super-secret ingredient.

Of course, Arnie, uses protein powder to help make his smoothie a lean, muscle building machine.  To keep with the vegan theme, make sure that you utilize a vegan protein powder in your drink.

Also, the alcohol, in this case, Schnapps, is entirely up to you.  Legends aren’t born every day, nor do they frequently follow the “rules” that other’s put on them.  If Arnold adds a shot or two of high quality grain alcohol to his drink, why not?  Don’t over do it, and for pete’s sake, don’t drink and drive after a hard workout if you’re drinking booze from the blender.

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