300 is a pretty badass movie. Yeah, it’s not historically accurate but who cares!? It’s got backflips, slow-mo, and a metric shit ton of badass quotes and violence. But the funny thing? Yeah, Ancient Greece and Rome was practically swimming with BAMFs like that. So today we are going to be counting down some of the biggest badasses in Ancient Greece and Rome. We’ve got blood-soaked spears, balls the size of Atlas Stones, and enough testosterone to get all of the UFC popped by the USADA. So without further adieu let’s begin the countdown.
Greco-Roman Badass #5 – Spartacus
Speaking of UFC, let’s start off with a guy who could walk into the Octagon and promptly rip the other dude’s dick off. Spartacus was the original pride fighter. Well, he wasn’t just fighting for pride. He was also fighting to fucking live. Sparty was originally a Tharcian warrior who would be captured and sold into slavery. Shit sucked. So he decided that instead of being killed for the entertainment of some wealthy fuckers, Spartacus decided to head elsewhere. And by head elsewhere, I mean he lead a giant rebellion and murdered the fuck out of the guy who bought him.
Then they escaped and lived on the edge of a damn volcano – Mount Vesuvius. (The one that turned Pompeii into a pottery museum.) Afterward, they started to tour around the area like the Beatles or some shit. And their following? It grew to an army of more than 70,000 people in awe of the might Spartacus; ready to go fuck shit up for the Roman Empire. And who lead these fanboys to proper military training? Spartacus of course! Along the way, they wrecked shit until Marcus Licinius Crassus sent 50,000 well-trained Roman soldiers to take on Badassacus. I mean Spartacus. It took 50,000 of the most well-trained forces in the world to take on 70,000 farmers, slaves, and fan-girls. Spartacus was such a badass that the fact that he was the original Heavyweight Champion is the least notable part of his reign of steel balls.
